("You reap what you sow, Sandra.") It is a strange world in modern courtrooms, and it is only getting stranger with time. In a small Texas town, a case is going to court in which a woman, Sandra Panich, is being sued by her own cat, nicknamed “Snuggles,” for negligence and insufficient scratching behind the ears. The cat seeks a settlement $100,000, or the equivalent in canned tuna.
This lawsuit was made possible by an up-and-comer, a Mr. Gree Disgood. After hearing the hungry cat meowing at the defendant’s window, he agreed to take on the case right away.
This lawsuit was made possible by an up-and-comer, a Mr. Gree Disgood. After hearing the hungry cat meowing at the defendant’s window, he agreed to take on the case right away.
“This is ridiculous,” said Panich. “This guy’s making everything up. My cat doesn’t know it’s behind from its head.”
Yet Mr. Disgood disagrees. He has hired a famous “cat-to-human translator” especially for the case, and has written up a list of complaints that Snuggles has been unable to convey to her master, not the least of which is that she is a boy.
“It’s a tragic reflection on society today,” said Mr. Disgood in an interview. “She didn’t even know the sex of her own cat. Once I demonstrate that to the jury, it won’t be long until the rest of the truth comes out.”
Mr. Disgood is expected to make a considerable profit off of this case, which he chalked up to “generosity on the part of my client.” The cat was not available for questioning on the matter.
This isn’t the first strange case in Gree Disgood’s career. He is responsible for a good number of what the public considers ridiculous cases. As Mr. Disgood comes from a wealthy family, he’s not afraid to throw money around, filling the court room with so-called experts on his obscure angles of prosecution. In fact, it is rumored that his father bought him “a new judge” for his birthday.
Some of his conquests have done well, and others have totally flopped, but with his financial security, it doesn’t matter if he gets a payday. Last month he sued K-Mart on behalf of Wal-Mart: apparently the corporate giant decided it was time to gain exclusive rights to the word “Mart”. In a small town in Utah, a major corporation sued the residents for getting sick from drinking their own polluted tapwater. Luckily, the same corporation has started producing bottled water in the town to compensate.
The cases aren’t all corporate, either. Extremely conservative lawmakers have hired Mr. Disgood to sue the color purple for “encouraging children to be gay and stuff.” It has yet to go to court, however, since no one seems to know exactly how to go about suing a color. A similar problem was encountered when a four-year old who had a beef with old St. Nick hired Mr. Disgood, because the post office had no clue where to send the court summons. Apparently “North Pole” is not a valid address, although if his case against the post office goes well, it soon will be.
“This just shows why our country is great,” said a Mr. Brau Noser, newly appointed Supreme Court Judge. “There is an underrepresented minority of people in this country, those who can’t win cases because of “logic” or “science” getting in the way. The legal system is not perfect, which is why Mr. Disgood’s enormous piles of money are so valuable at circumventing them in these cases, especially with his proposed “Jury for Hire” program. No longer will schools be forced to teach science classes based on research and facts, but what the teachers knows to be true in their hearts. No longer will innocent fathers get sent to jail for murdering their daughters’ boyfriends a little. When the law fails you, just remember: Gree Disgood!”
Yet Mr. Disgood disagrees. He has hired a famous “cat-to-human translator” especially for the case, and has written up a list of complaints that Snuggles has been unable to convey to her master, not the least of which is that she is a boy.
“It’s a tragic reflection on society today,” said Mr. Disgood in an interview. “She didn’t even know the sex of her own cat. Once I demonstrate that to the jury, it won’t be long until the rest of the truth comes out.”
Mr. Disgood is expected to make a considerable profit off of this case, which he chalked up to “generosity on the part of my client.” The cat was not available for questioning on the matter.
This isn’t the first strange case in Gree Disgood’s career. He is responsible for a good number of what the public considers ridiculous cases. As Mr. Disgood comes from a wealthy family, he’s not afraid to throw money around, filling the court room with so-called experts on his obscure angles of prosecution. In fact, it is rumored that his father bought him “a new judge” for his birthday.
Some of his conquests have done well, and others have totally flopped, but with his financial security, it doesn’t matter if he gets a payday. Last month he sued K-Mart on behalf of Wal-Mart: apparently the corporate giant decided it was time to gain exclusive rights to the word “Mart”. In a small town in Utah, a major corporation sued the residents for getting sick from drinking their own polluted tapwater. Luckily, the same corporation has started producing bottled water in the town to compensate.
The cases aren’t all corporate, either. Extremely conservative lawmakers have hired Mr. Disgood to sue the color purple for “encouraging children to be gay and stuff.” It has yet to go to court, however, since no one seems to know exactly how to go about suing a color. A similar problem was encountered when a four-year old who had a beef with old St. Nick hired Mr. Disgood, because the post office had no clue where to send the court summons. Apparently “North Pole” is not a valid address, although if his case against the post office goes well, it soon will be.
“This just shows why our country is great,” said a Mr. Brau Noser, newly appointed Supreme Court Judge. “There is an underrepresented minority of people in this country, those who can’t win cases because of “logic” or “science” getting in the way. The legal system is not perfect, which is why Mr. Disgood’s enormous piles of money are so valuable at circumventing them in these cases, especially with his proposed “Jury for Hire” program. No longer will schools be forced to teach science classes based on research and facts, but what the teachers knows to be true in their hearts. No longer will innocent fathers get sent to jail for murdering their daughters’ boyfriends a little. When the law fails you, just remember: Gree Disgood!”