(Sudav Chaxasslons Dilgarian, one of the first extraterrestrial immigrants.) Hello, my name is Dishub Dilgarian, and I am a proud Alien-American. First off, I would like to apologize if my English is poor, as it is my fifth language. I am hoping to share with you the story of my family and the hardships we have faced as extraterrestrial immigrants, to perhaps grant you a better understanding of our current plight.
My grandpappy, Sudav Chaxasslons Dilgarian, was on one of the first shuttles over here after the asteroid shower devastated our home world. While many of our people were shunned or even assaulted by humans, he managed to find himself employment and settle down to spawn a family. Ever since then we’ve been working hard and living the American Dream as best we can.
My grandpappy, Sudav Chaxasslons Dilgarian, was on one of the first shuttles over here after the asteroid shower devastated our home world. While many of our people were shunned or even assaulted by humans, he managed to find himself employment and settle down to spawn a family. Ever since then we’ve been working hard and living the American Dream as best we can.
It has not been without struggles, however. My ancestors often had to work for negligible pay due to loopholes in employment contracts, and most unions only cover human beings. But just because we only eat once a month does not mean we don’t require a living wage. Are we not living organisms, just like you? If you cut us, do we not bleed? Metaphorically. We do not, in fact, have any blood like earthlings, but the sentiment stands.
The worst thing that I have experienced is the prejudice. Since the day I broke through the membrane of my egg with my twelve brothers and sisters, we’ve been stereotyped and judged. A cow goes missing, and we get a visit from the local police. Despite how we are portrayed in film, we do not carry ray guns, and do not find it humorous when you ask us to “take me to your leader.” And don’t even get me started on allegations of anal probing. That is a sensitive topic.
And, while we do sleep roughly fourteen hours per earth day, that doesn’t mean we’re lazy. We pride ourselves on doing work efficiently and quickly so that we may return to slumber. Oftentimes it baffles our human employers that we do not require bathroom breaks, as all our waste is expelled in gaseous form.
As with any group of people, among our kind there are good ones and bad ones. The media tends to sensationalize our criminals. A mugger of the alien persuasion turns his victim inside out, and it’s all the news talks about for months. Nothing gets reported about the tremendous strides our people have made in the medical community, as it was discovered that our saliva can function as an inexpensive anesthesia, and our x-ray vision and scalpel-like wrist appendages make for excellent surgeons.
Keep all of this in mind in the upcoming elections. There’s a lot at stake for our people, especially those in need of refuge from space pirates and cosmic radiation. We are an economic boon to your wonderful country, as we are hard workers who don’t mind (and actually enjoy) your less favorable jobs such as sewage and pest control. All we want is a place to call home. Whether or not our refugees are allowed into this great nation is in your hands. So please keep our plight in mind when you vote this November.
The worst thing that I have experienced is the prejudice. Since the day I broke through the membrane of my egg with my twelve brothers and sisters, we’ve been stereotyped and judged. A cow goes missing, and we get a visit from the local police. Despite how we are portrayed in film, we do not carry ray guns, and do not find it humorous when you ask us to “take me to your leader.” And don’t even get me started on allegations of anal probing. That is a sensitive topic.
And, while we do sleep roughly fourteen hours per earth day, that doesn’t mean we’re lazy. We pride ourselves on doing work efficiently and quickly so that we may return to slumber. Oftentimes it baffles our human employers that we do not require bathroom breaks, as all our waste is expelled in gaseous form.
As with any group of people, among our kind there are good ones and bad ones. The media tends to sensationalize our criminals. A mugger of the alien persuasion turns his victim inside out, and it’s all the news talks about for months. Nothing gets reported about the tremendous strides our people have made in the medical community, as it was discovered that our saliva can function as an inexpensive anesthesia, and our x-ray vision and scalpel-like wrist appendages make for excellent surgeons.
Keep all of this in mind in the upcoming elections. There’s a lot at stake for our people, especially those in need of refuge from space pirates and cosmic radiation. We are an economic boon to your wonderful country, as we are hard workers who don’t mind (and actually enjoy) your less favorable jobs such as sewage and pest control. All we want is a place to call home. Whether or not our refugees are allowed into this great nation is in your hands. So please keep our plight in mind when you vote this November.