Do you enjoy cooking? Want to be the talk of the potluck? Then have I got a recipe for you. I have spent years perfecting my guacamole, and now, I’m sharing it with the world. Have you ever received a marriage proposal based solely on the quality of your guac? I have.
It was love at first bite. She couldn’t help but pop the question immediately upon tasting that divine blend of jalapeños, cilantro, and finely diced onions. We were happy at first. How could you not be, in a relationship based around fresh produce and kitchen activities to share? I would juice the lemons and limes while she shelled out avocados. God, did that woman know her way around a big metal spoon.
It was love at first bite. She couldn’t help but pop the question immediately upon tasting that divine blend of jalapeños, cilantro, and finely diced onions. We were happy at first. How could you not be, in a relationship based around fresh produce and kitchen activities to share? I would juice the lemons and limes while she shelled out avocados. God, did that woman know her way around a big metal spoon.
Of course, not unlike Hrothgar’s golden hall in the epic poem Beowulf, such light could not exist in this world without one day attracting darkness. Distracted by watering eyes from a particularly aggressive batch of onions, I forgot to salt the guacamole. A seemingly small detail, but it made all the difference in the world in a relationship predicated on the quality of a single dish. The guac turned out bland and tasteless, just like our marriage soon became.
It wasn’t long before I caught her making queso with my best friend. We divorced not long after.
Anyway, I recommend buying some store-bought guacamole. It won’t be as perfect as my finely-honed recipe, but you won’t get as many wayward marriage proposals either, and that might just protect you from the misery of a failed marriage. I know I’ll never be the same. I can’t even shell avocados anymore without feeling depressed and a little aroused.
It wasn’t long before I caught her making queso with my best friend. We divorced not long after.
Anyway, I recommend buying some store-bought guacamole. It won’t be as perfect as my finely-honed recipe, but you won’t get as many wayward marriage proposals either, and that might just protect you from the misery of a failed marriage. I know I’ll never be the same. I can’t even shell avocados anymore without feeling depressed and a little aroused.