This is a friendly reminder from park staff: The wildly popular attraction, Tunnel of Love, is a privilege to guests of the park, not a right. Recent events have made it necessary to revise our rules.
If these rules are not followed, guests will be asked to leave the park, and may even be blacklisted from future attendance. Please refresh yourself on the list below, and note that a new rule has been added.
If these rules are not followed, guests will be asked to leave the park, and may even be blacklisted from future attendance. Please refresh yourself on the list below, and note that a new rule has been added.
-Please keep your hands and feet inside the duck at all times. The park is not responsible for injuries that might occur.
-Taking pictures or video inside is prohibited.
-Only two people to a duck boat.
-No smoking or drinking.
New rules:
-NO MORE HANDJOBS! The Tunnel of Love is intended to be a romantic attraction. We understand that the soft red lighting and music are intended to create an affectionate atmosphere. But not THAT affectionate. It is not the responsibility of our cleaning staff to wipe up, erm, male DNA, so to speak. It’s disgusting, and frankly, very rude. If you think that depositing your spunk into the water is better, well, it’s not. Semen is not water soluble, believe it or not, and several times in the past month we’ve had blockages thanks to all the happy endings in our Tunnel of Love. Can you imagine wading through this water, stagnant and filthy, because some pimply eighth grader SOMEHOW managed to get a little hand action and clogged up our filter? This is just getting ridiculous. No amount of hand sanitizer can make me feel like my hands are clean after that. God damn it! I mean, I’m happy for my brethren out there, getting a little rub n’ tug. Congrats, guys, I’m proud of you. It brings a tear to my eye when I see that little sparkle in a young man’s eye, knowing he just got his banana waxed, but could you keep it to the backseat of your car? The Tunnel of Love is great for some second base action. And what happened to teens just making out in dark, secluded locations like this? Nowadays getting your piston serviced is the equivalent to a kiss on the cheek. And gay couples? Twice as bad! I’m not being homophobic here, it’s just simple math. Double the D’s, double the squeeze. If I have to mop up one more puddle of tapioca pudding, I’m gonna lose it. This job needs me more than I need it. Fuck you little shits and your god damned handies! I didn’t even know there was that much jizz in the world! It’s liked I’m trapped in some sort of purgatory, which starts out as a calming swim in a clean river, but gradually is replaced by the devil’s lotion all around me, until I’m drowning, drowning in it, feeling it crawling on my skin, burrowing its way inside… is that why you left me, Karen? Because I couldn’t rid myself of the smell? Please come back Karen, I love you, and I can’t afford the house payments on my own.
-Taking pictures or video inside is prohibited.
-Only two people to a duck boat.
-No smoking or drinking.
New rules:
-NO MORE HANDJOBS! The Tunnel of Love is intended to be a romantic attraction. We understand that the soft red lighting and music are intended to create an affectionate atmosphere. But not THAT affectionate. It is not the responsibility of our cleaning staff to wipe up, erm, male DNA, so to speak. It’s disgusting, and frankly, very rude. If you think that depositing your spunk into the water is better, well, it’s not. Semen is not water soluble, believe it or not, and several times in the past month we’ve had blockages thanks to all the happy endings in our Tunnel of Love. Can you imagine wading through this water, stagnant and filthy, because some pimply eighth grader SOMEHOW managed to get a little hand action and clogged up our filter? This is just getting ridiculous. No amount of hand sanitizer can make me feel like my hands are clean after that. God damn it! I mean, I’m happy for my brethren out there, getting a little rub n’ tug. Congrats, guys, I’m proud of you. It brings a tear to my eye when I see that little sparkle in a young man’s eye, knowing he just got his banana waxed, but could you keep it to the backseat of your car? The Tunnel of Love is great for some second base action. And what happened to teens just making out in dark, secluded locations like this? Nowadays getting your piston serviced is the equivalent to a kiss on the cheek. And gay couples? Twice as bad! I’m not being homophobic here, it’s just simple math. Double the D’s, double the squeeze. If I have to mop up one more puddle of tapioca pudding, I’m gonna lose it. This job needs me more than I need it. Fuck you little shits and your god damned handies! I didn’t even know there was that much jizz in the world! It’s liked I’m trapped in some sort of purgatory, which starts out as a calming swim in a clean river, but gradually is replaced by the devil’s lotion all around me, until I’m drowning, drowning in it, feeling it crawling on my skin, burrowing its way inside… is that why you left me, Karen? Because I couldn’t rid myself of the smell? Please come back Karen, I love you, and I can’t afford the house payments on my own.