The Writing of Daniel Kilkelly
  • Home
  • Socks and Moccasins Blog
    • Archives
  • Writing Samples
  • Bookshelf
  • About Me
    • Bio
    • Links
    • Contact

Millenials Must be Stopped!

1/20/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture(This is not what toast aught to look like!)
​by Murray Hale
 
You know what really grinds my beans?  The younger generation.  All of them.  But especially millennials.  They’ve got their priorities all mixed up.  Like breakfast!  In my day, you get your eggs and bacon, some toast and a cup of joe, and you’re good.  Not for these entitled punks!  No, they’ve got to question everything.
 
Why, one day last week I had my son over for breakfast.  I thought it would be a simple thing, right?  But when I get ready to make him a nice plate of bacon, he tells me “sorry, pop, I actually don’t eat meat.”  Then I remembered those videos he always shares on Facebook, about factory farms.  You know, call me crazy, but I think it’s rude to reject a hot plate of food placed in front of you.  Guess that means the eggs are out, too, even though they aren’t even meat.


​“So, what, are you just going to have toast?” I ask him.  His eyes light up like I just mentioned the tastiest damn thing on the planet.  But the times have changed, let me tell you what, because the two of us have an entirely different concept of just what the hell toast is.  When I was a youngin, we were lucky to get a smear of butter on ours.  Maybe a sprinkle of cinnamon sugar on special occasions.  But my boy goes on to tell me with the excitement of a madman about this delicious toast he made himself the other day.
 
Oh lord.  Here it is.  That day, I had to confront the fact that my son, my baby boy, was one of them… avocado toast folks.  He described how he mashed up a whole avocado to spread on a couple slices of bread.  I was appalled.  I mean… meat and eggs ain’t cheap, but at least you’re getting your protein, right?  I good start to the day, some gas in your tank.  But an avocado… you’d be lucky to get one of them for under two bucks.  My son is blowing his whole paycheck on his healthy eating habits!  When he got to the part of the story where he put spinach leaves on top, I had to stop him there.
 
Now, I gave him a long lecture about responsibility.  You can’t just be throwing away your money on some fad diet.  I know you want to be healthy, but I ate a good hearty breakfast all my life and I’m healthy as a horse.  Meanwhile, he’s pushing thirty, still not married, and living in an apartment.  Maybe if he had bought a few less avocados, he could have saved up for a house by now.
 
Of course, I love my son, but he and his entire generation need a good kick in the pants.  You’ve got to learn to pick your battles, and he’s picking all the wrong ones.  Shopping for locally grown produce while the golf and diamond industries are falling on hard times.  Always worried about where something comes from.  Couldn’t even drink a nice cup of coffee without asking me if the damn bean farmers were paid for their labor.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Categories:

    Best Of
    ​Advice
    ​Dating
    Entertainment
    ​Opinion
    Politics

    Archives

    • Season 8 of 'Game of Thrones' to Have No New Character Deaths
    • Man Hospitalized for Butterflies in Stomach
    • Millenials Must be Stopped!
    • Apparently, All's NOT Fair in Love and War
    • Environmentalists Protest by Streaking
    • Don't Vote for Kaine Dill Kelly!
    • Interview with Greg Reaper, Retired Horror Movie Villain
    • Spooky is the New Sexy
    • Beard Popularity Helps Werewolf Integration
    • Should Brett Kavanaugh's Sexual Assault Allegations Disqualify Him?
    • Straight Dog Forced to Attend Gay Pride Parade
    • My Blog Got Sponsored by the Liberal Media!
    • Man Leaves Girlfriend Behind for Life of Lake Piracy
    • Woman Seeks Man, No Kids, Non-Smoker, Proud Member of the Horde
    • Recipe for the PERFECT Guacamole
    • Lack of Fine Arts Funding Actually Beneficial for Creativity
    • Suspected Arsonist Continues to Evade Authorities
    • Senator Filibusters a Bill so he can Read Aloud his Novel
    • Zombie Apocalypse Stopped in its Tracks by Gun Owners
    • Anonymous Hacks Chipotle, Upcharges All Customers for Guacamole
    • Minnesotans Rename Anything Philadelphia-Related Out of Spite for Eagles
    • Down on his Luck Genie Can't Find Work
    • Grizzly With Polar Bear Fetish Actually Okay With Global Warming
    • Let's Make 'Camp Rock 3 Happen' - Hipster Music Reviews
    • Horny Man Holds Own Chest, Pretending it's a Breast
    • St. Patrick's Day is a Menace and Must be Stopped!
    • Passerby Gets Mixed Signals from Graffiti
    • Rejected Cosmo Sex Tips
    • No More Hand Jobs Allowed in the 'Tunnel of Love'
    • 'The Matrix' to Get Prequel Trilogy
    • Scientists Discover Repeated Exposure to Urine Turns Skin Orange
    • Top New Phobias of 2016
    • President Elect Insults Widow of National Hero Harambe
    • Puns are the Way to Go in Online Dating
    • This Hammock is Totally Comfortable!
    • Man Thinks Hard About Grapefruit
    • 3rd Amendment Violation Goes to Court
    • How Will You Spend Election Day?
    • 'Make Your Own Voodoo Doll' School Project Met With Controversy
    • Vampires Raised in Captivity Too Lazy to be Released Into Wild
    • Third Generation Alien-American Discusses Immigration
    • Child Sacrifice Made to Appease Clowns
    • Worst Places to Get an Erection
    • Kick Him When He's Down: New Fighting Style for Assholes
    • Interview with Melinda the Mighty, Bringer of Peace to Warring Nations
    • Customer Put on Hold For Twelve F***ing Minutes
    • NSFW Material Viewed at Work
    • Advice Column: Ask a Professor Who's Sick of His Pretentious Students
    • Seven Action Figures That, in Hindsight, Were Really Bad Ideas
    • Naked in the Woods: Life Advice From Lief Brookson
    • Do You Play Pokémon Go?
    • Trump Accidentally Insults Mutants From 'X-Men' in Speech, Decides to Just Roll With It
    • HOLY SHIT, THAT BABY DEER IS SO FUCKING CUTE!
    • Poltergeist Sucks at His Job
    • Miley Cyrus Was SO Much Better Seven Years Ago - Hipster Music Reviews
    • Father Way Too Fit for his Advanced Age
    • Pair of Streakers Arrested
    • Marvel's Hawkeye to Finally Get Standalone Movie
    • CEO Meaning to Bribe Politician Accidentally Offers Sexual Favor
    • Old Man Arrested for Publicly Making Love to his Tonic and Gin
    • Concert Choir Perfoms Nude Show
    • Fight Club Discovered in Basement of the White House
    • Supernatural Renewed for Nine Additional Seasons
    • What's Your Opinion on Putting Harriet Tubman on the $20 Bill?
    • Anti-Stupidity Vaccines are a Flop Among Stupid People
    • Advice Column: Ask a Radio DJ Doing a Slow Jam
    • Mayor to Censor 200-Year Old Statue
    • 'Doctor Who' Fan Always Points Out This One Random Door
    • Signs Your Guy Might Secretly be Rocking the Man Bun
    • Grandmother Shocked by Family Members Adding "In Bed" to Fortunes
    • Move Over Kale, Four-Leaf Clovers are the New Superfood!
    • Should Marijuana be Legalized for Recreational Use?
    • Conservative Man Admits Global Warming Might be Real
    • Restaurant Adding Vegetarian Salad to the Menu
    • Tips for Sucking up to your Boss
    • Are You Excited for the Upcoming Season of 'Game of Thrones?'
    • Stranger Tells Child the Truth About his Lost Balloon
    • The Catholic Church Loves Gays
    • Dog on Side of the Road is "Just Sleeping", Kid Says
    • Woman Sued by Her Own Cat
    • Super Senior Still Hasn't Chosen Major
    • Man Leaves Behind All Worldly Pleasures (Except For Dat Ass)
    • God Smites Frisky Couple
    • Will You Vote for Hillary in 2016?
    • Parents Wrong, Studies Show That Life Really is Fair
    • Study Shows More College Students are Pirating Their Textbooks
    • Advice Column: Ask a Kitty-Cat
    • The "Trickle-Down" is Finally Here!
    • No Hanky-Panky in the Library
    • Man Learns What "Douchebag" Means
    • Giant Man-Eating Plant in Greenhouse
    • GOP to Overturn Women's Suffrage
    • Advice Column: Ask a Centuries-Old Stalker of the Night
    • Clean is the New Sexy
    • Gun Debate Goes Postal
    • Chupacabra Sighting
    • Disney Aims to Outspend 'Avatar' With New 'Star Wars'
    • Booze Found in Freshman's Dorm
    • Tom Gives us the "Dislike" Button
Proudly powered by Weebly