An elementary school received a storm of complaints from parents last week. The reason? Their kids were bringing home voodoo dolls that they had made in class. This raised red flags with the vigilant PTA, who considered the exercise in bad taste.
“It was quite the shock,” reports Madge Sullivan, PTA member and head of the Mothers Against Otakus Facebook page. “My little Michael comes walking into the kitchen, excited to tell me what he made in class today. I’m expecting some finger painting or a sculpture made of clay. Instead, he pulls out this yarn figure with creepy button eyes and toothpicks sticking out of the chest.”
“It was quite the shock,” reports Madge Sullivan, PTA member and head of the Mothers Against Otakus Facebook page. “My little Michael comes walking into the kitchen, excited to tell me what he made in class today. I’m expecting some finger painting or a sculpture made of clay. Instead, he pulls out this yarn figure with creepy button eyes and toothpicks sticking out of the chest.”
As many as seventeen children suffered through this awful exercise, encouraged to construct a figure out of yarn that represents someone they dislike. Then they were provided all manner of tools—toothpicks, knitting needles, and allegedly even lighters—and told to inflict damage onto this doll. This is turn was supposed to harm the person it was based on through black magic.
“I shudder to think of the damage done to the psyche of these children,” Mrs. Sullivan responded. “Forcing their little hands to dabble in satanic rituals, or pagan rites, or whatever you want to call it. It was decidedly un-Christian, and I won’t have my tax dollars paying the salary of some voodoo-practicing heretic teacher.”
The teacher, Miss Carter, was placed on suspension immediately. However, she had a few words to say in her defense.
“These parents are always blowing things out of proportion. I include one little harmless exercise that’s not on the curriculum, and bam, the PC police are planning a witch hunt. Can’t we do anything in this day and age without offending someone? Besides, these kids are wild. At least showing them how to make dolls to stab made them stopping trying to stab each other for a few minutes. And the lighters? Yeah, the kids already had ‘em. But no one’s gonna believe that. You try telling a self-righteous mother that her perfect little Timmy likes to smoke during recess with the other twelve year-old demons at this school.”
“I shudder to think of the damage done to the psyche of these children,” Mrs. Sullivan responded. “Forcing their little hands to dabble in satanic rituals, or pagan rites, or whatever you want to call it. It was decidedly un-Christian, and I won’t have my tax dollars paying the salary of some voodoo-practicing heretic teacher.”
The teacher, Miss Carter, was placed on suspension immediately. However, she had a few words to say in her defense.
“These parents are always blowing things out of proportion. I include one little harmless exercise that’s not on the curriculum, and bam, the PC police are planning a witch hunt. Can’t we do anything in this day and age without offending someone? Besides, these kids are wild. At least showing them how to make dolls to stab made them stopping trying to stab each other for a few minutes. And the lighters? Yeah, the kids already had ‘em. But no one’s gonna believe that. You try telling a self-righteous mother that her perfect little Timmy likes to smoke during recess with the other twelve year-old demons at this school.”