For the first time in decades, representatives from the kingdoms of Crywyth and Astardodda are engaging in peace talks. The war between these two nations, stemming from disputes over land and assassination attempts, has swallowed up soldiers and resources for generations. However, the red haze of the blood feud was finally breached by a warrior, Melinda the Mighty.
Q: Thank you so much for meeting with me, Melinda. I understand you wanted to keep things low-key; you are something of a celebrity, ever since single-handedly ending a centuries-old conflict! Tell me, what was it like, a warrior like you doing so much to end the fighting?
A: Strange, to say the least. I did not cross the great river into Astardodda with peace in mind. In fact, I was only there in pursuit of a bounty. When I brought in the severed head of Sloan the Slave Driver to collect the reward, I was invited to dinner in the court of King Tiras himself. In his presence, I could not help but notice that he had no sense of the suffering this war was causing his people. I felt it was my duty to knock some sense into that old fogey’s head.
Q: Thank you so much for meeting with me, Melinda. I understand you wanted to keep things low-key; you are something of a celebrity, ever since single-handedly ending a centuries-old conflict! Tell me, what was it like, a warrior like you doing so much to end the fighting?
A: Strange, to say the least. I did not cross the great river into Astardodda with peace in mind. In fact, I was only there in pursuit of a bounty. When I brought in the severed head of Sloan the Slave Driver to collect the reward, I was invited to dinner in the court of King Tiras himself. In his presence, I could not help but notice that he had no sense of the suffering this war was causing his people. I felt it was my duty to knock some sense into that old fogey’s head.
Q: Many others have tried to talk King Tiras down from his aggressive approach to border skirmishes, but you are the first to have gotten through. To what do you attribute your success? Is it a touch of sensitivity and kindness that others have failed to use in the past?
A: Um, not likely. I challenged his strongest warrior to a trial by combat, on the condition that if I win, he would hold a public forum to hear what his people wanted. He accepted, and I fought against Sir Goodwin. Needless to say, I kicked his teeth in, and the King was honor bound to hold the forum. The outcries of the farmers and lumberers, who have lost the most from this war of attrition, must have gotten through to him.
Q: Excuse me for asking, but this is just burning me up inside… is that the very armor you wore when you bested Sir Goodwin? I must say, it looks amazing on you. That shade of blue perfectly matches your eyes. Would you mind standing up and doing a little spin?
A: Yes, I would mind. And it is only blue because it was forged in dragon flame. I did not choose the color. It was either this or the crimson armor forged by the Dwarves, but with red armor it is more difficult to locate and dress open wounds.
Q: Oh, how fascinating! Now, I think the issue on everyone’s mind is discussing a lasting peace. What do you anticipate for the future? What needs to be done to keep the tensions from boiling over?
A: Right. Not everything can be solved by me kicking someone’s ass. I believe Crywyth making a gesture of good faith to Astardotta is a start. Give them some of the land we have been fighting over. After all, what use is defending a parcel of farmland if we are too busy dragging rotting corpses off of it? The ashes from all the funeral pyres will have provided good nutrition for the soil. And reopening the borders for trade will cover that loss within--
Q: That is all well and good, but I was talking about more permanent solutions. Everyone throughout the kingdom is dying to hear whose proposal you are going to accept. We know a multitude of eligible bachelors are seeking your hand. A marriage between you, acting as a representative of the Kingdom of Crywyth, and someone from King Tiras’s court, would assure peace for generations to come.
A: What the hell are you talking about? I have no intention of getting married. Even if I did, I wouldn’t be interested in one of those pasty fatass nobles or prissy knights. Show me a man that I can’t drink under the table and we can talk. Now, I think we’re done here. You are spoiling my good mood. Bartender? Bring me another bottle of wine, and the fattest turkey leg you have.
A: Um, not likely. I challenged his strongest warrior to a trial by combat, on the condition that if I win, he would hold a public forum to hear what his people wanted. He accepted, and I fought against Sir Goodwin. Needless to say, I kicked his teeth in, and the King was honor bound to hold the forum. The outcries of the farmers and lumberers, who have lost the most from this war of attrition, must have gotten through to him.
Q: Excuse me for asking, but this is just burning me up inside… is that the very armor you wore when you bested Sir Goodwin? I must say, it looks amazing on you. That shade of blue perfectly matches your eyes. Would you mind standing up and doing a little spin?
A: Yes, I would mind. And it is only blue because it was forged in dragon flame. I did not choose the color. It was either this or the crimson armor forged by the Dwarves, but with red armor it is more difficult to locate and dress open wounds.
Q: Oh, how fascinating! Now, I think the issue on everyone’s mind is discussing a lasting peace. What do you anticipate for the future? What needs to be done to keep the tensions from boiling over?
A: Right. Not everything can be solved by me kicking someone’s ass. I believe Crywyth making a gesture of good faith to Astardotta is a start. Give them some of the land we have been fighting over. After all, what use is defending a parcel of farmland if we are too busy dragging rotting corpses off of it? The ashes from all the funeral pyres will have provided good nutrition for the soil. And reopening the borders for trade will cover that loss within--
Q: That is all well and good, but I was talking about more permanent solutions. Everyone throughout the kingdom is dying to hear whose proposal you are going to accept. We know a multitude of eligible bachelors are seeking your hand. A marriage between you, acting as a representative of the Kingdom of Crywyth, and someone from King Tiras’s court, would assure peace for generations to come.
A: What the hell are you talking about? I have no intention of getting married. Even if I did, I wouldn’t be interested in one of those pasty fatass nobles or prissy knights. Show me a man that I can’t drink under the table and we can talk. Now, I think we’re done here. You are spoiling my good mood. Bartender? Bring me another bottle of wine, and the fattest turkey leg you have.