 | "I will be exercising my right as an American citizen and voting in this election. Now, some people say that writing in a candidate is a wasted vote. But I can't in good conscience vote for either of these clowns on the ballot. So I'm writing in the only man worthy of the job: Jeb Bush." Jerry Miller Sociology Professor |
| "Well, I was GOING to commit several acts of voter fraud in order to sway the election in favor of my girl Hill-Dog. But they need ID now or something, so I'll probably just get drunk and go watch Doctor Strange." Keith Dobson Jimmy Johns Delivery Driver |  |
 | "I am headed straight for the polls and placing a vote for Donald J. Trump. However, I choose to remain anonymous because people keep unfriending me on Facebook when I talk about it." Jane Doe J.C. Penny's Model |