(The true 'Blue Lives Matter'.) Solemaeus Al’Afrit, a supernatural entity known as a Djinn or “genie”, is preparing himself for the twentieth anniversary of his last wish granted.
Times have been tough for Solemaeus. Demand for his services has taken a nosedive in the wake of skepticism and negative portrayal of his kind in fiction. Despite the infinite cosmic power he possesses, modern humans have avoided him and his wish-granting services completely for the last two decades.
“It’s been hard lately, I’m not going to lie,” Solemaeus told reporters. “Back in the day, people were in awe of our godlike powers, and were more willing to take a chance on the grand promises we made them. Nowadays, ‘stranger danger’ is the law of the land. People take one look at me and assume I’m some homeless ex-convict or white supremacist.”
Times have been tough for Solemaeus. Demand for his services has taken a nosedive in the wake of skepticism and negative portrayal of his kind in fiction. Despite the infinite cosmic power he possesses, modern humans have avoided him and his wish-granting services completely for the last two decades.
“It’s been hard lately, I’m not going to lie,” Solemaeus told reporters. “Back in the day, people were in awe of our godlike powers, and were more willing to take a chance on the grand promises we made them. Nowadays, ‘stranger danger’ is the law of the land. People take one look at me and assume I’m some homeless ex-convict or white supremacist.”
Other Djinn around the world report similar difficulties getting new clients, citing cautionary children’s tales as one of the main reasons. By the time humans reach puberty, they may have already been exposed to hundreds of stories about wishes gone wrong, portraying Genies as the equivalent of supernatural lawyers eager to inconvenience foolish mortals.
“Be careful what you wish for. I’ve heard that line from so many condescending snot-nosed kids,” Solemaeus went on. “It’s institutionalized racism, plain and simple. Like seriously, how could I possibly screw you over if you just wished for an ice cream cone? What would I gain from that? Most people don’t know this, but I have quotas to make, and I’ve been coming up short for damn near a century now.”
Other than a brief boost in popularity following the release of Disney’s Aladdin (1992), work for Djinn has been in constant decline since the early nineteen hundreds.
“The movie helped for a while, yeah,” Solemaeus admitted. “Showed kids that some of us were good. But it wasn’t all to our benefit. We can’t all be as funny as Robin Williams. That’s a pretty high standard we suddenly had to live up to. Not to mention that character was portrayed without any ink. Tattoos are an important part of our racial history. Although lately, I wish I’d listened more to those conservative Djinn when I was younger. ‘Tattoos are forever. That will look like crap in a few centuries.’ Sadly, they were right.”
With his dry spell approaching twenty years, Solemaeus is feeling the pressure now more than ever to cut some deals.
“I just try to stay hopeful, you know? Eventually someone will overcome the social taboos and realize just what a wonderful opportunity I can provide. Although I need to be careful about my word choice. I recently spend 72 hours in jail after asking a young woman to rub my lamp.”
“Be careful what you wish for. I’ve heard that line from so many condescending snot-nosed kids,” Solemaeus went on. “It’s institutionalized racism, plain and simple. Like seriously, how could I possibly screw you over if you just wished for an ice cream cone? What would I gain from that? Most people don’t know this, but I have quotas to make, and I’ve been coming up short for damn near a century now.”
Other than a brief boost in popularity following the release of Disney’s Aladdin (1992), work for Djinn has been in constant decline since the early nineteen hundreds.
“The movie helped for a while, yeah,” Solemaeus admitted. “Showed kids that some of us were good. But it wasn’t all to our benefit. We can’t all be as funny as Robin Williams. That’s a pretty high standard we suddenly had to live up to. Not to mention that character was portrayed without any ink. Tattoos are an important part of our racial history. Although lately, I wish I’d listened more to those conservative Djinn when I was younger. ‘Tattoos are forever. That will look like crap in a few centuries.’ Sadly, they were right.”
With his dry spell approaching twenty years, Solemaeus is feeling the pressure now more than ever to cut some deals.
“I just try to stay hopeful, you know? Eventually someone will overcome the social taboos and realize just what a wonderful opportunity I can provide. Although I need to be careful about my word choice. I recently spend 72 hours in jail after asking a young woman to rub my lamp.”