("This is almost as bad as the time I blackmailed the wrong politician with scandalous pictures.") An embarrassing situation unfolded during a phone conversation between a CEO and a U.S. Senator. As head of New Dakota Oil, Rupert Coke was expressing his desire for reduced regulations on hydraulic fracturing in the state. However, when the conversation naturally veered towards under-the-table compensation, Coke played the wrong card.
“I accidentally offered Senator Crat a sexual favor. It was a mistake,” Coke clarified to interviewers. “What I meant to offer him was ten thousand dollars in unmarked bills for his continued support of my company. But for some reason, when I reached into my bag of bribery, I took ahold of the wrong trick, and offered him oral sex.”
“I accidentally offered Senator Crat a sexual favor. It was a mistake,” Coke clarified to interviewers. “What I meant to offer him was ten thousand dollars in unmarked bills for his continued support of my company. But for some reason, when I reached into my bag of bribery, I took ahold of the wrong trick, and offered him oral sex.”
The proposal stunned Senator Barry Crat, who had been expecting a significant amount of money in exchange for his generous efforts to dismantle any influence the EPA had over Coke’s company and sweep a few lawsuits under the rug.
“It just came out of left field,” Crat said. “I mean, hey, I’m an open-minded guy, up for all sorts of bribery. I’m not trying to be judgmental. Just last week I got a little hum-hum in the men’s room of the DMV for helping a woman out of a parking ticket. But getting an offer like that from my good buddy Rupert… it’s like expecting water and then drinking milk, you know?”
Coke has apologized profusely for the mix-up. Fortunately, it seems that the two friends have put things behind them; they were seen in a bus station, where Coke handed Crat a briefcase filled with the aforementioned ten grand, as well as a baggy full of cocaine, which the CEO said was “free of charge.”
“It just came out of left field,” Crat said. “I mean, hey, I’m an open-minded guy, up for all sorts of bribery. I’m not trying to be judgmental. Just last week I got a little hum-hum in the men’s room of the DMV for helping a woman out of a parking ticket. But getting an offer like that from my good buddy Rupert… it’s like expecting water and then drinking milk, you know?”
Coke has apologized profusely for the mix-up. Fortunately, it seems that the two friends have put things behind them; they were seen in a bus station, where Coke handed Crat a briefcase filled with the aforementioned ten grand, as well as a baggy full of cocaine, which the CEO said was “free of charge.”