The Mayans were wrong. The world didn’t end in 2012. No, it seems like it’s going to end now with this shocking revelation. The younger generation has fallen on hard times… with drinking alcohol.
“I’m just baffled,” said Becky Scott, head of the Fine Arts dorm at the local college. “I didn’t think something so sinister could happen right here in Minnesota. It makes me question a lot of things. Like my choice to become an RA, our generation as a whole, and America.”
“I’m just baffled,” said Becky Scott, head of the Fine Arts dorm at the local college. “I didn’t think something so sinister could happen right here in Minnesota. It makes me question a lot of things. Like my choice to become an RA, our generation as a whole, and America.”
Witnesses on the scene report hearing a distinct “tss tss tss” sound, the beat of a song at a secret party that could be heard throughout the complex, even though it was during quiet hours.
“I was trying so hard to tune it out,” said Alex Otto, a sophomore at the school. “Their constant laughing and cheering totally ruined my evening yoga.”
After a time, public safety was called to the scene. They formed a makeshift SWAT team, armed with blindingly bright flashlights. The RA keyed them into the room, and they stormed the party. It was a terrifying sight. Red cups were everywhere, a strobe light flickering, and an almost-empty case of PBR Tall Boys.
“I just don’t understand,” said Justin Craig, a public safety officer. “They weren’t even of the legal age to drink. Not to mention this is a dry campus. It sickens me. This is why I joined the force.”
In the unlikely event that this underage alcohol consumption continues, just remember: public safety is out there. They will find you. So pack up the booze and bust out the textbooks!
“I was trying so hard to tune it out,” said Alex Otto, a sophomore at the school. “Their constant laughing and cheering totally ruined my evening yoga.”
After a time, public safety was called to the scene. They formed a makeshift SWAT team, armed with blindingly bright flashlights. The RA keyed them into the room, and they stormed the party. It was a terrifying sight. Red cups were everywhere, a strobe light flickering, and an almost-empty case of PBR Tall Boys.
“I just don’t understand,” said Justin Craig, a public safety officer. “They weren’t even of the legal age to drink. Not to mention this is a dry campus. It sickens me. This is why I joined the force.”
In the unlikely event that this underage alcohol consumption continues, just remember: public safety is out there. They will find you. So pack up the booze and bust out the textbooks!