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Advice Column: Ask a Radio DJ Doing a Slow Jam

4/11/2016

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Picture(Trevor Totiqa, advice columnist and radio DJ doing a slow jam)
Dear Radio DJ Doing a Slow Jam,
 
My boyfriend and I have been dating for two weeks now, and things are great.  He’s romantic, has a car, and I just love that sexy man bun!  I think I want to take the next step with him.  Is it too soon?  I don’t want to seem like a slut, but I know we’re ready for more intimacy.  What should I do?
 
Sincerely,
Twitterpated in Tennessee

 

Dear Twitterpated,
 
Awww yeah.  This one goes out to my girl in Tennessee.  She’s been a long time listener and is asking for some love.  Who am I to deny her request?  Let’s hit it.  These two been together for fourteen hot, steamy, sexy days, and all that pent up energy is ready to burst.  She knows it might be wrong, but it feels oh so right.  Baby girl is gonna crack open a bottle of wine, light some candles, and embark on the slow and sensual trip to pound town.

Dear Radio DJ Doing a Slow Jam,
 
I’ve been looking for a job for ages!  After graduating college, I thought it would be easy to jump right into the work force.  I’ve gotten called in for plenty of interviews, but I never get a call back.  What am I doing wrong?  Do I just need to lower my standards and take a job I’m overqualified for, or is there something wrong with the way I’m presenting myself?
 
Sincerely,
Unemployed in Detroit

 

Dear Unemployed,
 
Having trouble sealing the deal?  Ooh, I’ve been there playa.  And there’s a tried and true solution that will hook your partner and draw them in without fail.  Whether for business or pleasure, you stare down your prey with a disarming look in your eyes, make love to them with your gaze, and feel the shiver it sends down their spine.  Oh yeah, that’s the ticket.  Those eyes of yours will be on their mind for days to come, whether they like it or not.
 

Dear Radio DJ Doing a Slow Jam,
 
I just got a new car.  It was my only option, since I’m a little strapped for cash, but more and more I feel like it’s a chick car.  I mean, it’s a tiny little thing, and the horn sounds like a squeaky toy.  It feels like my manhood takes a blow every time my buddies see me driving it.  Do I trade up for something I can’t really afford, or just deal with it?
 
Sincerely,
Emasculated in Des Moines

 
​
Dear Emasculated,
 
Now we’re cooking with some gas.  Prepare to have your mind blown.  It might be hard to believe, but size doesn’t matter, not when you really know how to use it.  Show that thing off with all the pride in the world, playboy, and the girls will take notice.  Demonstrate to those fine-looking ladies that you can move it slow and steady, and slide it in like a glove.  Soon enough your buddies will be looking after your situation with envy.  Awwww yeah.
 
Trevor Totiqa is a nationally-renowned advice columnist.  His feature, Ask a Radio DJ Doing a Slow Jam, appears in more than 200 newspapers across the nation.
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