(By James Ulcer, Political Science Professor) Dear Professor Who’s Sick of His Pretentious Students,
I feel like it’s hard for me to get noticed. I go to a high school of over a thousand students, with an awesome football team, great theatre program, and an award-winning school newspaper. There’s so much success around me that I just feel tiny in comparison. How can I express myself when it just seems so meaningless in this place?
Sincerely,
Claustrophobic in Cleghorn
Dear Claustrophobic,
Being noticed isn’t always as important as it seems. Sometimes just being an active participant is an accomplishment. I can tell you what not to do, though, and that’s try to impress everyone with irrelevant knowledge. Take, for example, a lecture at a local college. If the professor who’s giving the lecture makes a point that you disagree with, I’d advise you not to interrupt the class with some fringe-theories from the clearly biased political blogs off of which you get your news. That’s a waste of everyone’s time. Don’t do that. Hope that answers your question.
I feel like it’s hard for me to get noticed. I go to a high school of over a thousand students, with an awesome football team, great theatre program, and an award-winning school newspaper. There’s so much success around me that I just feel tiny in comparison. How can I express myself when it just seems so meaningless in this place?
Sincerely,
Claustrophobic in Cleghorn
Dear Claustrophobic,
Being noticed isn’t always as important as it seems. Sometimes just being an active participant is an accomplishment. I can tell you what not to do, though, and that’s try to impress everyone with irrelevant knowledge. Take, for example, a lecture at a local college. If the professor who’s giving the lecture makes a point that you disagree with, I’d advise you not to interrupt the class with some fringe-theories from the clearly biased political blogs off of which you get your news. That’s a waste of everyone’s time. Don’t do that. Hope that answers your question.
Dear Professor Who’s Sick of His Pretentious Students,
Sometimes I have trouble having my voice heard. Literally. I’m a short gal, around 5’3”, and as such my words don’t have the impact I’d like. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made a comment in a conversation, only for it to go unheard! Like, I don’t want to be annoying to my friends, but that’s how I feel when I have to repeat myself three times. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Silent in Shakopee
Dear Silent,
I’ll tell you one thing you can do: raise your fucking hand all the way when you have a question. I’m gonna blow a gasket if I see another smartass slouching in his chair, barely lifting his hand past his eyebrows, smirking like he’s god’s friggin’ gift to humanity. You have something to say? Sit up, and get that elbow to clear your head, otherwise I’m not calling on you.
Dear Professor Who’s Sick of His Pretentious Students,
I’m a writer, and lately I’ve been attending these open mic nights at the coffee shop in town. It’s fantastic, getting my work out there, really, it is. But sometimes I get awful stage fright. Especially when I read my poetry. I feel like people are judging every word, and I get this awful pit in my stomach. Do you have any tips for getting rid of those performance jitters? Or just how to be confident in my writing in general?
Sincerely,
Metaphorical in Madison
Dear Metaphorical,
I don’t know how else to say this… just read in a normal voice. I’m serious, I don’t know if you realize this or not, but whenever you read something in front of the class, you take on this weird quasi-British accent. What the fuck is that about? You’re not even remotely British. I just want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you until you realize what an absolute dick you are. Do you think it makes you sound cool? Because it doesn’t. Maybe ease up on those Doctor Who reruns, would ya?
I mean, if that’s something you do. If not, well… you could always try that picturing-the-audience-in-their-underwear thing.
James Ulcer is college professor who thinks it’s about damn time he’s offered a tenured position. He is a nationally-renowned advice columnist. His feature, Ask a Professor Who’s Sick of His Pretentious Students, appears in more than 100 newspapers across the nation.
Sometimes I have trouble having my voice heard. Literally. I’m a short gal, around 5’3”, and as such my words don’t have the impact I’d like. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made a comment in a conversation, only for it to go unheard! Like, I don’t want to be annoying to my friends, but that’s how I feel when I have to repeat myself three times. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Silent in Shakopee
Dear Silent,
I’ll tell you one thing you can do: raise your fucking hand all the way when you have a question. I’m gonna blow a gasket if I see another smartass slouching in his chair, barely lifting his hand past his eyebrows, smirking like he’s god’s friggin’ gift to humanity. You have something to say? Sit up, and get that elbow to clear your head, otherwise I’m not calling on you.
Dear Professor Who’s Sick of His Pretentious Students,
I’m a writer, and lately I’ve been attending these open mic nights at the coffee shop in town. It’s fantastic, getting my work out there, really, it is. But sometimes I get awful stage fright. Especially when I read my poetry. I feel like people are judging every word, and I get this awful pit in my stomach. Do you have any tips for getting rid of those performance jitters? Or just how to be confident in my writing in general?
Sincerely,
Metaphorical in Madison
Dear Metaphorical,
I don’t know how else to say this… just read in a normal voice. I’m serious, I don’t know if you realize this or not, but whenever you read something in front of the class, you take on this weird quasi-British accent. What the fuck is that about? You’re not even remotely British. I just want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you until you realize what an absolute dick you are. Do you think it makes you sound cool? Because it doesn’t. Maybe ease up on those Doctor Who reruns, would ya?
I mean, if that’s something you do. If not, well… you could always try that picturing-the-audience-in-their-underwear thing.
James Ulcer is college professor who thinks it’s about damn time he’s offered a tenured position. He is a nationally-renowned advice columnist. His feature, Ask a Professor Who’s Sick of His Pretentious Students, appears in more than 100 newspapers across the nation.