(They also used the homeowner's credit card to rent "Saving Private Ryan" on Amazon.) A group of soldiers is being prosecuted for taking up quarters in a private residence. The squad of six, led by General Hamilton Lee Jameson, showed up at the front door of one Paul Adams, and demanded lodgings. Adams, intimidated by their weapons and temporarily convinced by their reasoning, allowed them inside.
“They told me that it was my civic duty to provide a place for them to stay,” Adams stated in the police report. “And it made sense at first. They were sacrificing their lives to protect this country. Those brave men might’ve had to pitch a tent, or worse, hole up in a roach motel for the night.”
“They told me that it was my civic duty to provide a place for them to stay,” Adams stated in the police report. “And it made sense at first. They were sacrificing their lives to protect this country. Those brave men might’ve had to pitch a tent, or worse, hole up in a roach motel for the night.”
The band of soldiers, however, quickly overstayed their welcome. Within a few hours, they had eaten all the hardtack and salted fish in their host’s pantry, spilled gunpowder all over his brand new carpet, and one soldier even amputated his foot in the bathroom sink, as his toes had turned black from frostbite.
“I’m a good patriotic man, but when I see a severed foot in my sink, that’s where I draw the line,” Adams said. “Fortunately, my lawyer informed me that I could rid myself of these men, as they were violating the third amendment.”
The lawyer says they have a strong case against the soldiers, citing the amendment in question. Without the consent of the homeowner, they could not occupy his residence during peacetime. Yet General Jameson intends to dispute the charges in court.
“We have no idea what the founding fathers had in mind when they wrote that amendment,” Jameson claimed. “What is ‘peacetime’ anyway? Are we not engaged in multiple armed conflicts just across the pond? And ‘quartered’ is an archaic phrase whose meaning is lost to time. I believe that amendment was written under the assumption that consent would not be an issue, that any proud American would gladly accept into his home those risking life and limb for this great nation. It seems that kindness has been lost to time.”
“I’m a good patriotic man, but when I see a severed foot in my sink, that’s where I draw the line,” Adams said. “Fortunately, my lawyer informed me that I could rid myself of these men, as they were violating the third amendment.”
The lawyer says they have a strong case against the soldiers, citing the amendment in question. Without the consent of the homeowner, they could not occupy his residence during peacetime. Yet General Jameson intends to dispute the charges in court.
“We have no idea what the founding fathers had in mind when they wrote that amendment,” Jameson claimed. “What is ‘peacetime’ anyway? Are we not engaged in multiple armed conflicts just across the pond? And ‘quartered’ is an archaic phrase whose meaning is lost to time. I believe that amendment was written under the assumption that consent would not be an issue, that any proud American would gladly accept into his home those risking life and limb for this great nation. It seems that kindness has been lost to time.”